"Who can wait quietly while the mud settles?" - Lao Tsu
Hi Megan,
I hope I can. but I'm antsy. I'm currently on board the new Sloor waiting. I don't know how long the bureaucracy takes for asylum papers, but it's already been four days now. I had to cook up some documentation about how we salvaged this ship which had been attacked by brood spores. Think I did a good enough job. but did I? To deal with the suspense, I've been doing a lot of homework. exercise, target practice, research...
|
chocho ya onago no michi no ato ya saki |
a butterfly in front and back of the woman's path |
by Soen, a woman haijin
I don't know how much bearing it will have in the Tokugawa system, but I'm enjoying the poetry of their ancestors. found a literature class online. I want to get a handle on these people before trying to do business with them. read their stories.
It would be nice to be able to talk to Ari now. We're supposed to set up a business and I have no clue. I'm studying business practices for concerns such as ours and I plan to do a lot of cut and paste. (and now it's not just Ari. I have been thinking of all of them. maybe a little home sick. Sent a letter to Charlie. No, I didn't include telling details. Just wanted to let him know I'm still alive, and thinking of them all. Can't really tell them much beyond that. He can make of it what he will.)
I got lazy after dropping out of ITS! assumed I was good enough. well, got kinda distracted, but that's no excuse. I've got to get better. giving myself homework. Jane was able to crack into our db and I have to get good enough to compete with her. Girl's honor, she won't peek, but everyone isn't Jane. I have to be better than them, or we won't survive.
What do I want, Megan? Things were moving along too fast after the break to think about goals. I don't really know what I want anymore. There are a few constants: I'd like to be able to go back home one day. without be chased. I'd like to not be afraid of people. I want to be someone who I can like. I don't. Look at our home life. Can anything good come of that? Will I ever be able to relate to someone in a healthy way. Our parents. ha! fine examples. I'm afraid I'll never get away from that. I'll never have peace. be satisfied. I'll never stare at the color of water like a haijin.
How I hate thinking about this stuff. mm